When you are interacting with people, do you ever find yourself seeing only negative things about the other person?
In your mind, you think, “This person is not good at this,” “If it were me, I would do it this way,” etc.
You may tell this to the person directly or talk about it to the people around you.
Everyone has his or her own way of thinking and approach to things, and it is natural to become critique when your viewpoint is different from theirs.
However, if you are critical of someone’s behavior constantly in various situations, you are looking for fault in others, and this is a behavior that interferes with making good relationships.
I believe that few people feel good when someone points out all the things that are wrong with them.
It is also unlikely that we would want to be friends with such a person or listen to what he or she has to say.
As a consequence, it is difficult to build good and close relationships, and it can lead to isolation.
What is the reason of finding fault, that is, constantly critically looking at the behavior and thinking of others?
It may be due to a psychological problem.
◎ Perfectionism
It is a need to do things 100 percent perfectly, no matter what.
Perfectionism seems to be good because it means doing things exactly the way they should be done.
However, it is actually not good for one’s mental health.
Perfectionists are strict with themselves to achieve their ideals, but they are also strict with others.
They want others to do well so that they can achieve the results they want, and if others don’t do so, they may point out the problem or criticize them harshly.
First of all, it is difficult to achieve perfection in everything, and everyone has a different standard for how things should be accomplished.
Having a strong sense of one’s own ideal standard can lead to a negative view of someone else’s way of doing things or thinking, as if they are interfering with one’s own.
Please refer to “Consequences of Being a Perfectionist” for more information on why perfectionism is not good for your mental health.
◎ Inferiority
People who have a strong feeling that they are inferior to others tend to look for fault.
We all have a hard time feeling inferior.
They try to cover up their own insecurities and weaknesses by pointing out someone else’s mistakes and inadequacies to draw attention to them.
I think that people who feel a strong sense of inferiority are those who are constantly comparing themselves to someone else.
This is because when they compare themselves, they always focus on someone else who is fulfilling their ideals.
And they do not look at the efforts and failures of that person, but only at the superficial, sparkling parts of that person.
Then, the feeling of inferiority will never go away.
Instead of comparing yourself to someone else, it is more important to look back and see how you have grown by comparing yourself to your past and present.
◎ Low self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem as well as a strong sense of inferiority, you will only focus on the parts of yourself that you don’t like.
If this state of mind persists, you always end up denying yourself, which causes considerable stress.
Then, you try to reduce the negative feelings toward yourself by finding someone around you who has made a mistake or is not good.
Even if you try to maintain your sense of self-worth by lowering someone else’s evaluation, your self-esteem remains low unless you change the way you look at yourself.
If you find yourself looking for something negative in others to protect yourself, take a moment and reconsider how you think about yourself.
◎ Negative thinking
When you have a habit of negative thinking, you first see things unfavorably.
Even if there is something good, you underestimate it and refuse to acknowledge it.
You may also be good at finding out something negative to yourself.
It is not only within yourself, but you may do the same thing to others around you.
We are so preoccupied with the negative that we sometimes consciously or unconsciously forcibly create a negative thing about ourselves and others.
Negative thinking causes stress in our minds and it is not uncommon for it to develop into depression or anxiety, and it is a thought that needs to be addressed.
Thoughts are habits, and our behavior is influenced by those thoughts without us realizing it.
If you are preoccupied with the negative aspects of others, you may have the habit.
Please refer to “4 Steps to Deal with Negative Thinking” to help you deal with those thoughts.
◎ Lack of empathy
To “empathize” means to be able to see things from the other person’s point of view.
If you judge things based solely on your own way of thinking and values, you may be critical of other people’s actions if they are different from your own.
Different people have different values and different ways of thinking.
When your values are different from theirs, instead of being critical, try to imagine the other person’s point of view.
By improving your empathy, communication will be smoother as well, and you can reduce the stress of getting frustrated every time you have a different way of thinking from others.
If you are constantly looking for fault, you may isolate yourself from those around you and become weary of yourself.
If you are constantly bothered by or want to point out someone’s mistakes, failures, and inadequacies, look back at how you tend to interact with others and the way you think about things to find out why.
There may actually be an unexpected reason there.
Kokoro Switch 