When we are stressed, we try to lessen its impact in some way.
There are two broad approaches to coping with stress.
The first is an emotion-focused coping approach.
The second is a solution-focused approach.
The first coping strategy is to focus on feelings.
This is a way to minimize and control the emotional changes caused by stress as much as possible.
For example, when things are not going well at work, you can sing karaoke to release frustration, go to yoga once a week to clear your mind and body, go out to your favorite place to refresh yourself, or take other actions to calm your mind to cope with stress.
Another way to cope with stress is to try to solve the problem that is causing the stress.
For example, if you make a mistake at work, you can try to find the cause of the mistake, reflect on it, and make an effort not to make the same mistake the next time, or if you feel lonely, you can take time to meet with someone or do something specific to address the problem and relieve your stress.
Many studies have shown that coping strategies that focus on problem solving are more effective than those that focus on feelings.
The reason for this is that some of the approaches to making you feel better can result in stress.
Examples include distracting oneself with alcohol or drugs, restraining yourself from saying what you want to say, complaining behind someone’s back, or binge drinking or eating.
Although this may relieve or reduce stress at the moment, it does not resolve the source of stress and can lead to further stress in the long run, such as fatigue from drinking, frustration from not being able to express yourself, people leaving you because you complain too much, or getting sick from overeating.
On the other hand, actions focused on problem solving require you to be patient and have an attitude to look at things objectively and make calm judgments as you go along, but solving the problem can eliminate stress itself.
That is why coping with stress by solution-focused approach is said to be more effective.
However, that does not mean that we should ignore coping strategies that focus on feelings.
Can we get into a problem-solving attitude without calming our emotions?
Besides, although it depends on the problem, solving a problem that is the source of stress is not something that can be done magically in a moment.
You need to organize and control your feelings even while you are struggling to deal with the problem.
So, I think the best way to deal with stress is to think about what you can do to solve the problem and take action while at the same time trying to minimize the stress on your feelings as much as possible.
Let’s take a look at how to tackle each of these coping strategies.
-Coping strategies that focus on feelings-
1. Be aware of your feelings when you are stressed.
First, be sensitive to your feelings.
If you feel uncomfortable or unusual, you may be under some kind of stress.
Stress can be good or bad, and either way it can affect your feelings.
You may feel nervous or excited when starting a new life, anxious and wanting to run away before an important presentation, restless when talking to someone you like, or overwhelmed by the pressure to make a payment by the due date.
Please try to feel what you are feeling under any given situation, without ignoring it.
2. Externalize your feelings.
Once you know how you are feeling, the next step is to let it out of you.
Write down your feelings or actually say them out loud, and try to understand them again with your own eyes and ears.
By doing so, you can also look at yourself objectively and deepen your understanding of yourself.
If you understand the state of your current feelings, it is easier to control them.
On the other hand, if you do not grasp what you are feeling, you may take unexpected actions that may worsen the situation.
Once you have put your feelings out of your mind, you are able to organize your thoughts and feelings.
3. Do something you like or that refreshes your feelings.
Coping strategies that focus on your feelings are a way to lighten your mood as much as possible.
Do something you like to do or something that makes you feel good.
However, as I mentioned earlier, avoid doing things that only give you a temporary sense of pleasure, as they will have the opposite effect.
I recommend that you use your body and mindfulness activities, as they can help you become more resilient to stress.
– Coping strategies that focus on problem-solving –
1. Figure out why you are feeling stressed.
Make time to think about why you are feeling stressed about certain things.
You may not have to think about it, such as feeling sad or painful over the loss of a loved one.
But there may be times when you simply don’t know exactly why you are experiencing frustrated, anxious or other subtle, yet distressed feelings.
Determine the cause by observing where, when, and under what circumstances you feel stress.
For example, if you feel uncomfortable when talking to someone, think about what they are saying or doing, how you perceive it, the personal space, your impression of the person, and how you see him/her.
By doing so, you may be able to understand why you feel uncomfortable.
2. Work out a solution to the cause of the problem and take action.
Once you have identified the cause of the problem, think about what you can do to alleviate the stress.
If you don’t think you can solve the problem on your own, ask someone for help.
If you are feeling pressure because your goals are too high, divide your goals into small steps and work through them one by one.
If you’re having a disagreement that is bothering you, have a thorough discussion with the person you’re having the disagreement with.
You don’t have to force yourself to be with someone you don’t like, avoiding them is one solution.
You can also refer to our past blog, “Stress Management – The Four A’s -“ where I explain strategies on how you can deal with stress, starting with the 4 A’s.
When we are stressed, we act, consciously or unconsciously, to try to cope with it somehow.
Knowing what angle it is we are trying to cope with, we can better deal with stress by balancing ways to calm our feelings and to solve the problem.
Kokoro Switch 