How to Deal with Sense of Inadequacy

Have you ever felt that you are not good enough, no matter what kind of work you do, no matter how good you score on an exam, or even when you successfully lose weight?

We all feel inadequate, that we are not good enough, that we need to work harder, and so on, through various experiences.

However, if you feel unsatisfied and doubt your own abilities even though you have achieved your goals, you may not be able to feel truly happy, and instead, you may only feel anxious.

You may feel helpless, thinking that there is no point in doing anything, or you may avoid doing things that you don’t think you can do.

As a result, confidence goes down and you may begin to see yourself as less valuable than you thought you were.

Then it leads you to feel emotionally distressed.

In order to relax your mind as much as possible, let’s find out why you feel inadequate and find solutions based on that causes.

◎ You may have a gap between “ideal self” and “actual self.”

Feeling inadequate means that there is a gap between the ideal self you envision and actual self at this point in time.

Therefore, even when people praise you, you are finding it hard to feel happy about it.

Unconsciously, you may think ” This is not what I am like” and feel as if you are not good enough.

So, first, know that “ideal self.”

Next, let’s get to know your “actual self.”

Be as detailed as possible.

If the gap is too big, try to develop your “ideal self” in a realistic way.

If the gap between your “ideal self” and your “actual self” is too big, it is difficult to be fulfilled with a sense of accomplishment or to acknowledge yourself no matter what you do.

For more information, please refer to “How to Become Who You Want to Be. Part 1” to learn more.

◎Your self-esteem may be low.

Self-esteem is a self-evaluation of how one perceives oneself and how one treats oneself.

This self-esteem can be low or high, depending on past experiences and other factors.

People who recognize their own worth and feel that they are fine with themselves have high self-esteem, have a certain degree of self-confidence, and can cope well with stress.

On the other hand, people who have negative feelings about themselves, in other words, people who do not like who they are, have low self-esteem and are not very confident.

And when self-esteem is low, they tend to be more strict with themselves.

For example, when they accomplish something well or when someone praises them, they may say, “It just happened to go well, it’s not my ability,” or “The reason they praised me is because they must have felt sorry for me. They must not really feel that way.”

With this kind of thinking, you will never be able to give yourself any recognition and you will always feel that you are not good enough.

So let’s change the way of thinking.

It is a thinking reform.

Thoughts that have been nurtured over the years are not that easy to change.

But they can be changed.

First, observe what thought patterns you have.

Then, pay attention to how these thoughts make you feel (happy, sad, painful, embarrassed, etc.).

If you experience negative feelings such as pain or sadness, reflect on the underlying thought and change it to something a little more positive.

This helps change the way you look at yourself and reduces feelings of inadequacy.

Please refer to the articles “Thinking Patterns that You Better to Stop. ~Cognitive Distortions~”

and “4 Steps to Deal with Negative Thoughts” for more detail.

◎You may be too hard on yourself.

As I mentioned earlier, many people with low self-esteem are hard on themselves.

People who have a large gap between their ideal self and their actual self would also be hard on themselves.

We are not always capable of doing everything from the beginning.

The higher the level of what one wants to accomplish, the more difficult and emotionally stressful the path will be for that person.

It is not a bad thing to be stoic in order to push oneself to become one’s ideal self at any cost.

In fact, it is a wonderful thing.

However, I believe that being so strict that you ignore your good qualities and capacity and start belittling yourself is toxic to mind.

Try to treat yourself with self-compassion.

If you feel inadequate, think about what is inadequate, whether it must be done now, whether there is no possibility of doing it in the future, and conversely, anything you have done.

How would you treat your loved ones if they were suffering the same way?

Being kind to yourself helps to make you feel better about yourself.

◎Your values are unclear.

How much do you know about your values?

If you feel inadequate, perhaps you may be living daily by someone else’s values.

Since you are not someone else (of course), it is not surprising that you feel inadequate if you live by someone else’s values.

For example, let’s say you really wanted to be a chef, but your parents wanted you to be a doctor, so you had to choose that path.

As a doctor, you could see the relieved and proud look on your parents’ faces, but when you see someone who enjoys working so full of life, you feel that you are not enough.

Another example, you don’t want to lose your lover, so you do everything according to his/her opinion, and before you know it, you are making decisions and behaving according to that lover’s values.

You are unable to consider your values and your existence itself becomes inadequate because you do not know what to do without that person.

This threat also makes you dependent on the person and you are constantly worried that they will leave you.

First, think about the things you value and care about.

Knowing them clearly allows you to make decisions that you will not regret and to be able to behave accordingly.

When you behave based on your important values, you are unlikely to feel inadequate.

◎You may be confined by your past experiences.

If you have been told by people around you in the past, “You can’t do anything,” or if no one has ever praised or appreciated you for achieving your goals, the idea that “I am not good enough” may be planted in your mind.

And once that idea is planted, it takes root and sticks with you forever.

Negative experiences have such a powerful influence.

It is natural to think that way, and it is not your fault.

But that is why you should not live in the present with the painful experiences of the past.

The person you are today is different from the person you were in the past.

There are things you can do now that you couldn’t do in the past, if you try.

You no longer have to live by someone else’s evaluation of you.

Try doing things at your own pace that you can pat yourself on the back for doing.

As these things accumulate, you will be free of your past.

See also “How to Deal with Negative Experiences in the Past -Part1-“ to learn more.

◎ You may not have the confidence to do something.

When you do something, it can be difficult to take action unless you have a certain degree of confidence.

When you have an opportunity to try something, you give up because you don’t think you can do it.

You may feel inadequate because you lack confidence and are unable to take action.

But this is actually just you telling yourself that.

You are convincing yourself that “I can’t do it, definitely can’t do it,” even before you try it.

Once this habit is developed, the thought remains in your brain as if it were true.

And it continues to limit your behavior.

This prevents you from doing something and experiencing fulfillment.

This creates a negative loop like this.

Lack of confidence → avoidance behavior → no experience to gain confidence → feeling inadequate.

So stop putting spells on yourself and try to do a little something that you can do at your own pace.

That is for you to build up confidence.

This should lead to a good feeling loop.

Not so much confidence, but try it -> you did it -> you gain a little confidence -> you feel a little satisfied (-> you try different things).

◎You may not accept inadequacies.

Of course we are not without our inadequacies.

There may be areas where you are really inadequate, although you may be hard on yourself or have a low self-esteem and tell yourself that you are inadequate.

But if you accept that, it can hurt you, so you try not to look at it.

And that part is left as it is and remains inadequate all the time.

So, let’s acknowledge that part of yourself as being inadequate.

You may feel bad by facing and accepting your inadequacy, but you can make it better.

When you can fill in the parts of yourself that are lacking, the sense of inadequacy can be reduced.

You can also feel your growth and gain confidence.

There is a cause for the feeling of “I am not good enough.”

Find out what the cause is, get to know yourself, and explore possible ways to reduce the feeling of inadequacy.

If you are lacking something, you can add it now.