When people see someone who performs better than they do, they sometimes envy that person.
The feeling of envy arises when someone else has something that you lack or something that you would like to have someday, such as “I wish I could be successful like that,” or “I wish I could own my own home.”
It is quite natural for us as human beings, and it is not a bad feeling because it can be converted into motivation to try to attain what you want to get.
However, when you cannot get what you want even though you are making the same efforts, or when you see someone who seems to be succeeding easily and getting what he or she wants, the feeling of envy can gradually turn into “jealousy”.
Also, people who lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem due to past experiences or family environment may think that it is unfair if they see someone “successful” because such person should have never been hurt or experienced hardships.
Jealousy is not the same as envy, but comes from a feeling of fear or insecurity that one’s existence may be threatened, which can lead to anger, frustration, and other negative feelings and behaviors that are connected to these feelings.
As a result, it negatively affects you and the person to whom you feel jealousy of.
Research conducted by the National Institute of Radiological Sciences (NIRS), an Japanese independent administrative corporation, proves that ” the misery of others is the taste of honey” in terms of brain function.
According to the study, the anterior cingulate gyrus in the brain responds to jealousy.
And the stronger the activity (i.e., the stronger the jealousy), the stronger the response of the striatum, which is associated with the secretion of dopamine, which leads to pleasant feelings, to the misfortune of others.
In other words, the more jealous you are, the more your brain functions to make you feel good when something unfortunate happens to the person you are jealous of.
Being jealous of someone can make you a person who takes pleasure in other people’s misfortunes.
Although it is a relief to see someone you think is great make a mistake, it is a bit of a distorted emotion to be truly happy about it.
Furthermore, the study also says that someone’s unhappiness can make us feel good by reducing the sense of inferiority we previously had toward that person.
In order to feel better, we may purposefully engage in behavior that makes that person unhappy, which may even lead to a crime.
And having jealousy can also result in having negative feelings all the time, which can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses.
Sometimes it is inevitable to feel jealousy.
However, if you become aware of these feelings, it is important to take measures to prevent them from growing stronger.
Let’s take a look at some of the possible measures that can be taken.
◎ Acknowledge that you are jealous.
If you are always disgusted, annoyed, or otherwise uncomfortable when you see someone in particular, think about what may be causing it.
It may be because you just don’t like them, but possibly it is because they have something that you don’t have and you envy them for it.
Maybe you want to behave in the same way but feel frustrated that you can’t, and you are taking your disappointment in yourself out on the person who is able to do so.
It can be difficult to accept that you are jealous of someone, especially if you have too much pride, because it seems like an embarrassing thing to do.
But knowing how you really feel and accepting it honestly is an important step for making your mind at ease.
First, consider whether you are jealous or not, and if so, say, “I am jealous of that person, but I can’t help feeling this way. But let’s do something about it so I don’t feel jealous any more” and acknowledge it and try not to go deeper.
◎Do not compare yourself to others.
I have written about this point many times in the past.
Jealousy is an emotion that cannot exist without the presence of someone else and comes from comparing yourself to that person.
First of all, no one person follows exactly the same life.
We are all born with different personalities, and we all have different interpretations of a single thing and the feelings that arise from it.
No matter how successful someone seems to be or how happy their family seems to be, there are some problems and stresses that only they can tell you about.
Even if you obsessively seek for similar things and finally achieve them, you may lose yourself by always comparing yourself to that someone else, and you may not know what you got them for and what you are going to do with them in the future.
Think about who you want to be, what you want to have, and why.
Then look for what you have and appreciate in your current situation.
By focusing on those things, you may realize that there is no point in comparing yourself to others.
◎Think about why you are jealous.
The person you are jealous of has something you want.
What is it?
And why do you want it?
What kind of person are you jealous of and what kind of relationship do you have with that person?
Why do you feel jealous of that person?
You may feel jealous of people who are rich because you grew up in poverty and are still in a difficult situation, or you may feel threatened by younger people who were promoted before you and feel jealous of them, etc.
Once you know the cause, deny the negative thoughts that come from it.
For example, “That guy must be making money by cheating people. He is a stingy guy who has so much money but doesn’t lend it to anyone.” You may feel angry at the other person because you are jealous of him or her.
Then you may modify the thought to “I envy rich people because I am poor, but they must have struggled somewhere to get to where they are now. Maybe that’s why they refuse to lend money to others. I will think about what I can do to become rich, and I will do it. Surely I can do that.”
If you accept the reason why you are jealous and try to see the other person’s point of view instead of just assuming it from one perspective, you would be able to reject the negative thoughts.
It also helps to start thinking about how to get what you want.
Constantly feeling anger toward the other person or sadness at your own inadequacy is very hard on us emotionally.
And those negative feelings can keep you stuck in the situation.
As a result, you will never get what you want, and you will have to live in jealousy of someone else for the rest of your life.
Recognize your jealousy and turn it back into “envy” and use it as a driving force to get what you want.
Kokoro Switch 