How to Deal with Fear of Failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success. It’s part of success.”

This is a quote from author Arianna Huffington.

She is right, failing or things not going the way we want them to is an inevitable part of accomplishing something.

But failure is scary.

It is very normal to feel that way.

But why are we afraid of failure?

It is because we view failure as a negative thing and assume that failure makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Then why do we think we feel bad when we fail?

Is it because we are reminded that this is as far as we are capable of going?

Is it because if we fail, we get frustrated by the fact that we can’t achieve our goals the way we hoped to?

There are many reasons to each individual, but I think one of the main reasons is because we think we will be embarrassed if we fail.

We humans are social animals and have the instinct to want to be companions and coexist with other people.

Therefore, we are naturally concerned about what others think of us.

Therefore, if you think that failure is something negative, it becomes something that makes people around you think you are silly = you don’t want to be thought that way = you are ashamed of yourself.

If people think when I fail, “Oh, she can’t do this, she’s not so brilliant, is she?”  I want to dig a hole and get in it to hide myself.

If you believe that it is wrong to fail, it is because of your past experiences, tendency to feel anxious, perfectionism, and your educational and cultural background.

If you have made mistakes in the past and have been severely scolded or unreasonably blamed by the adults around you, it is not surprising that you believe that making mistakes is wrong and that you do not want to make any more mistakes in your life.

A person who is highly anxious about everything, fears failure because of thoughts such as, “What if this happens,” or “What if the worst happens?”

Perfectionists have high standards for the results of what they do, and they are afraid of failure because they believe that they must get it right, and failure is unacceptable.

Education and culture from an early age also set up barriers against failure.

When you grow up in a culture or teaching that success is everything and failure is unacceptable, it is natural to assume that failure is wrong.

There are many circumstances that can cause you to have a fear of failure, but it often has a negative impact on your day-to-day life and, to a large extent, your life.

You may avoid taking on challenges, experience stress when things don’t seem to be going well, or put off doing things you need to do because you think you will fail to complete.

And many of you might get tired of your own fear of failure.

If only I had more confidence in myself…

If I weren’t so afraid of failure…

What can we do to reduce our fear of failure?

◎ Know that failure is not a bad thing.

As I mentioned at the beginning, failure is part of success.

If you are moving forward, you may stumble along the way or even run into a big obstacle.

But they are natural and we cannot avoid all of them.

We may have to go through some unpleasant or troublesome experiences because of them.

But they allow us to think, to adopt new knowledge and techniques, so that the next time the problem arises, we are able to solve it smoothly.

Through doing this over and over again, we gradually become closer and closer to the ideal person we envisioned ourselves to be.

Failure is something that helps you grow, and it is not a bad thing.

It is just something that happens naturally and is no one’s fault.

And it is proof that you are moving toward your goals.

Remember, if you accept your failures, you can turn them into something that will help you move on.

◎Explore what causes fear of failure.

Why are you afraid of failure?

The fear of failure is not something we are born with.

It is learned and acquired throughout our lives.

Therefore, there is always a cause for it.

For example, let’s say you only do what you are absolutely sure will work in whatever you do now because you were raised in an environment where failure is not acceptable.

Once you realize that, with your understanding that it is okay to fail and that failure is necessary for success, you can deny that fixed mindset from your past.

Let’s also say that you are a perfectionist and when you do something, you tend to seek ideal results that are unrealistically difficult to achieve.

The desire to do everything well and perfectly may be a good motivator.

But on the other hand, it also turns into a fear because it won’t work with your abilities and circumstances, and you hesitate to move forward.

If you find that you have this tendency and that it is the cause of your fear of failure, one of the possible solutions is to lower your standards for the outcome a little.

If your fear of failure is holding you back from doing things the way you want to do them, it’s time to take a look at why.

◎ Change the negative image.

The reason you feel anxious is because you have a strong feeling that you will fail.

If you imagine only disappointing results when you are about to do something, your motivation will wane.

However, while you may fail, you may also succeed.

If that is the case, let’s imagine a little more of your success.

If you can imagine your feelings and situation as specifically as possible, you may find the challenge worthwhile, and you may become more motivated to do it.

If you don’t see the value in it, then you may choose to do something else instead.

◎Realize that you are making a false assumption.

It is your opinion that the people around you will think you are silly or embarrassed by your failures.

That is not a fact.

You may be convincing yourself that if you fail at something, you would be embarrassed and everyone would laugh at you.

What is the reality?

How much evidence do you have for your opinion that people will laugh at you if you fail?

Everyone has their own definition of failure and success.

What may not seem like a big deal to you can be a big deal to someone else.

What may be a failure to you may even be an inspiration to someone else who may be impressed by your behavior.

Failure does not always result in ridicule or embarrassment.

Be aware of your assumptions and change your perspective on failure a bit.

◎Take on challenges that you think you can do.

Even if you think that failure is not a bad thing, you may still find it difficult to behave, because you just can’t be brave enough, or you never want to feel ashamed of yourself.

In such cases, please try first to do something you think you can do.

You don’t have to take on a challenge to the point where you think, “If I fail at this, it will be the end of my life.”

Find out what you can do, thinking like, “I can do this,” or “I won’t be embarrassed even if I fail a little bit.”

Then, when you have done one, move up to the next difficult level, and then to the next, and so on.

By doing so, you can gain confidence, and before you know it, you are moving ahead.

We all have anxiety toward failure.

This is because we believe that success is wonderful and makes us happy, and we focus so much on success.

But failure is a natural part of the road to success, and in fact, it is an important part of personal growth.

Let’s get rid of the idea that failure is a bad thing and do what you want to do, what you want to try, without stressing yourself out to the extent that you feel suffering.