What is Emotional Intelligence and How Can We Improve it?

Have you ever heard of the term “Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ)?”

IQ is an intelligence quotient, a kind of barometer that says the higher the number, the “smarter” you are, and you may have heard the term more often than EQ.

A high IQ can be considered a good thing, but it does not necessarily guarantee success or happiness.

Many scientists have been studying why this is so for many years.

Through their researches, they have come up with EQ, or the emotional intelligence quotient.

EQ is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as those of the people around you, and to understand why you or they behaved in a particular way based on your or their feelings.

Daniel Goleman, one of the most famous proponents of EQ, says that EQ helps us to switch negative emotions such as anger, low self-esteem, and anxiety into positive ones, and to build self-confidence and improve our relationships.

Numerous studies have proven these things, and people with high EQ:

– Perform better at school and in the workplace

– Have a positive impression on the people around them (fun to be with, empathetic, tactful, etc.)

– Can handle stressful situations calmly

– Have effective stress coping strategies

– Are able to unite the people around them toward a common goal,

etc.

You become more resilient to stress, your relationships improve, and you need these things to make your life more bright.

And people with high EQ are more likely to achieve their goals than those with low EQ.

If increasing your EQ will improve your current situation and future, then why not try to improve it?

EQ is not something you are born with, but something you can learn if you have the will to do it.

So how can we enhance EQ?

◎Improve your self-awareness.

To understand your emotions, you must be aware of how you feel in any given situation and why you feel the way you do.

Furthermore, knowing how your mood at that moment affects other people is also important to improve the EQ.

These are, in other words, to know yourself and to increase your self-awareness.

When you have a high level of self-awareness, you are able to look at situations objectively and are better able to switch from negative feelings to positive ones.

Instead of just behaving out of emotions, it helps us to stay calm and in control, and to try to behave in a way that makes us and the people around us feel as good as possible.

When you notice positive feelings, on the other hand, you can use them as motivation to reach your goals.

Of course, this is not an easy thing to achieve today or tomorrow.

It requires patience, but with consistent attention to it, you will be able to do it.

Please refer to “Why is Self-Awareness Important and How to Do it?” for further details.

◎ Know that emotions precede thoughts.

Let me talk a little about how the brain works.

The external stimuli and information we receive are sent to the brain, which then decides what behavior to take next based on them.

The information from the outside is sent through the brain stem, which is the entrance to the brain, to the limbic system, which is where emotions are generated, and beyond that to the neocortex, which is where thinking, such as learning and planning, takes place.

Because the neocortex is an evolutionarily newer part of the brain than other parts of the brain, and because information passes first to the part of the brain that drives emotions, feelings inevitably arise before thinking.

So it is natural to become emotional, and trying to suppress our feelings causes stress.

In terms of this brain mechanism, EQ is a measure of how well our limbic system (emotions) and neocortex (thinking) interact to determine our next behavior.

Knowing this may help us to pause for a moment to calm down and think first, even when the feelings are starting to flow.

◎Make a list of emotional and logical behaviors.

Write down your emotionally motivated reaction to one event and your thoughtful and logical reaction to the same event.

Compare them and imagine which reaction or response is best for the situation, the people around you, and yourself.

You should be able to make that decision on the spur of the moment, but it is not something you can do unless you have the habit of thinking that way on a regular basis.

Therefore, being prepared for such situations and thinking in advance what to do in anticipation of stressful situations or situations in which you will have to make a responsible decision enables you to respond well to such situations when they occur.

For example, suppose a stranger sitting next to you on the bus spills coffee on your favorite piece of cloth and it stains it.

How would you first react emotionally? (e.g. yell at the person, glare at the person, etc.)

Second, what would be the logical response? (If the person apologizes, give up while accepting that what happened was inevitable, or politely ask the person to just pay for the dry cleaning, etc.)

Once you have written down your emotional and logical reactions, consider which of these coping strategies is best for you and the other person.

Remember, it is difficult to find a solution if you are too emotional, but being too logical and ignoring your emotions can also cause stress afterwards.

Sometimes your emotions tell you what to do.

It is important to keep a balance between emotion and logic in your behavior.

◎Practice active listening.

Understanding people’s feelings can only be done when we consciously do so.

And it is not easy without the habit of doing so, and it can be stressful and exhausting.

But by doing so, we can be willing to properly understand what the other person is thinking, and as a result, we can build trustworthy relationships.

And people will gather around you.

Some people may think, “I like to be alone, so I don’t need people to gather around me.”

But that is not quite true.

People cannot live alone. Mentally.

I believe that it is only when you have a deep relationship with someone that you can enjoy your time alone.

This is a bit off topic, but what you can do to create good relationships (i.e. to understand people’s feelings) is to use an effective communication method called active listening.

This method involves listening attentively to what the other person is saying, seeing things from his/her point of view, imagining how he/she is feeling, and empathizing with him/her.

Remember, this is not about agreeing with the other person that they are right.

The important part of this approach is to try to understand how the other person feels about certain things, and to feel that he/she is being listened to.

This makes it easier for the other person to be honest with you and for you to get the other person to listen to you.

By both parties earnestly trying to understand the other, a relationship of trust is more likely to be established.

For more information on this practice, please refer to “How to Improve Communication Skills. Part2. ~Active Listening～.”

Improving your EQ is about giving you the ability to control your emotions and deal with things better.

Emotions come naturally when something happens.

By using those feelings wisely in combination with the power of thought, you can increase the emotional intelligence.

Let’s increase your EQ, reduce your daily stress and lighten your heart.