How to deal with grief over the loss of a loved one ~A Practical Approach~

In the last article, I explained Kübler-Ross’s five-stage model of grief and wrote about ways we can alleviate its impact by understanding how we react when we lose someone or something important to us.

This time, in a practical approach, I would like to share with you how to heal the grief caused by the loss of someone or something important to you.

◎Experience your emotions as they are.

As in the Kübler-Ross model, from the moment we lose or realize that we have lost someone or something important to us, we experience a number of emotions and behave accordingly.

Have you ever tried to remain strong and pretend that you are unaware of these feelings, thinking that it is strange to feel this way or that you do not want to cause trouble for those around you?

When we are unable to accept the bad news, we get angry and blame others, try to rely on something or someone for help, or don’t want to talk to anyone as we are depressed, and this is a natural reaction of our defense mechanism.

Forcing down the feelings that occur naturally is extremely painful at the time and makes it even more difficult to accept reality later on, making it harder to come out of the grief.

Please acknowledge, feel, and process the feelings that come up without rejecting yourself or being overly concerned about your surroundings.

◎Talk to trusted friends and family about your feelings.

Get your painful and sad feelings out of your head.

If you don’t have a friend or family member who understands you and is close to you, ask a counselor or other professionals to listen to your feelings.

Letting your feelings out openly and honestly will help you clear your head and ease your deep sadness to some extent.

Then again, talking to others helps you realize your feelings and process your emotions as they are.

◎ Forgive yourself.

When you lose someone or something, you may feel regret or remorse, as if you should have done this or that, or why you did what you did.

It is normal to feel this way.

But if you carry that regret throughout your life and blame yourself all the time, the burden on your mind can overwhelm you.

We are not supernatural beings.

There is only so much you can predict.

And not many of those predictions actually happen.

How much can you anticipate losing someone or something, especially if it is something sudden?

What you couldn’t do or what you did was something that simply happened.

Don’t torture yourself by blaming for too long.

Allow yourself to forgive yourself.

◎Rituals.

Rituals do not have to be big.

Write a letter about your feelings for the person you lost, visit the grave, get together with mutual friends or acquaintances of the deceased person and talk about the deceased person, visit the person’s favorite place, burn a picture of the lover if you have broken up, listen to the person’s favorite song, etc.

Taking that special time can help you reconnect with the other person in your heart and organize your feelings.

◎ Create a new relationship with the person you lost.

Working through grief does not mean forgetting the person or thing you have lost.

In your life now, that person or thing is going to become a new existence for you.

Let’s not forget about the person or thing we lost, but let’s create a new relationship with them.

In order to do so, imagine this.

If you were to tell someone how you feel, what would he or she say back to you?

Take the time to have a conversation with the person you lost.

By doing so, you can develop a positive feeling toward the person or thing, and your sadness may dissipate.

◎ Self-Care.

Notice yourself deeply hurting from the loss of someone or something irreplaceable and precious to you.

When you feel the painful feelings as they are enough, take care of yourself who is exhausted.

The world may seem different than it always has, and you may not be able to carry on with your daily life.

However, it is important to do a few things that you have always done, such as eating, taking a bath, and talking to others, to help heal your grief.

It is also effective to refresh your mind by exercising or going on a trip somewhere to relax.

◎ Know that healing takes time.

There is no magical way to regain the energy you had immediately after the loss of a loved one or thing.

It takes time for the emotional healing to take place.

It is only natural, considering the time we have spent with that person and the passion for the work we have done with pride and so on.

It is hard, but start with what you can do one by one to bring yourself back to your original life pattern.

Of course, do this at your own pace.

Your feelings will slowly follow.

It is natural to feel deep sorrow in the face of painful experiences.

But you don’t want it to be complicated and prevent you from returning to the life you had before you experienced it.

To avoid this, accept your feelings honestly and start doing what you can from there.