How to Improve Communication Part1: 6 Pitfalls in Conversation. 

Communication, I believe, is the source of many people’s concerns.

Many of you have probably thought that if you could communicate better, our lives would be easier, your relationships would be smoother, and your performance at work would be better.

Here, I would like to write a series of articles on how to improve communication skills.

Today, I would first like to write about pitfalls or things that we misunderstand in communication.

Misconceptions in communication can disturb its process.

Understanding them correctly improves communication, so let’s begin by knowing them.

Pitfall 1: We assume that the other person understands what we are trying to say.

Our own thoughts and opinions are, of course, very clear to us.

But because of this, we forget to make an effort to say what we want to say in a way that the other person can understand, and we end up explaining things in a self-centered way or using words that the other person may not know.

If this happens, the other party will end up not understanding what you are saying, wondering what you are trying to say.

Moreover, you may be perceived as pretentious, using only difficult words.

This is a sad outcome, even though it is no one’s fault.

The other person cannot see your thoughts, and they do not always understand you.

You need to make an effort to convey what you want to say from the other person’s point of view.

Look at their facial expressions and the way they respond to you, then change the way you speak, repeat what you want to emphasize, and sometimes ask them about it to make sure that you are not communicating in a one-sided way.

Pitfall 2: We actually don’t listen to others very well.

Depending on our surroundings and our own condition, we may not actually listen to others very well.

We are sometimes distracted by various sounds, such as television, cars, or other people talking.

Or we may be thinking, or we may not be feeling very well and not be able to concentrate on the conversation.

In those cases, needless to say, you probably don’t understand properly what the other person is saying.

Keep in mind that this applies not only to you, but to the other person as well, and that if you talk to someone who is distracted, they are not listening well.

If you think that they understand what you say because you have said it once, you would be frustrated when you find out that he or she did not get it.

Pitfall 3: Interpreting that the other person does not understand what you are saying if they do not agree with you.

Perhaps because you are overly confident in your ideas and opinions, you may assume that all people will undoubtedly agree with you.

Therefore, you misunderstand that if they do not agree with you, then they do not understand what you are trying to say.

However, not everyone has the same opinion.

In many cases, they simply have a different opinion or do not agree with it, but they do understand the content itself.

In such cases, it is important to show an attitude of listening to the other person’s opinion.

Pitfall 4: You think that you are not allowed to say “no”.

When someone asks you out or asks you to do something, do you tend to say, “Yes, that’s okay,” even though you really don’t want to or are in a situation where you can’t?

Please remember that we have the right to say, “No, I can’t.”

Of course, it is important not to be rude when saying no, but if you always force yourself to suit the other person’s needs, you may end up feeling bad about the other person or blaming yourself.

Also, you may end up not being able to meet the other person’s needs because you have a limited time and energy, then you cause trouble for him or her.

Don’t force things when you can’t.

Refusing what you cannot do is for your own sake as well as for the other person’s.

Determine whether you can do and say no with respect when you can’t.

Pitfall 5: Thinking that communication skills are innate ability.

It is easy to misunderstand that communication skills are innate, but in reality, they are something that you can learn to improve on your own through experiences.

If you think you are a bad talker or you have a deficit in communication skills and do nothing to change it, you will never become a good communicator.

People who speak well do learn about communication such as what kind of words to use in conversation, what kind of facial expressions they should use, listening well to others, and so on.

They practice, make mistakes, and grow themselves.

Don’t assume that you can’t do it, but find out how you can improve your communication, and try to do it, even if it’s a little at a time.

Pitfall 6: Thinking that one message fits all.

For example, doctors use technical language at academic conferences, but few patients would understand an explanation of their medical condition when used in the same way.

Also, even if you talk to your own parents or grandparents as you would talk to your friends of the same generation, they may not easily understand you because of the different things you usually share in life (e.g., songs you listen to, sports, what’s popular, etc.) and different terms you would use.

It is also the same from parents to children.

Thinking about what kind of person you are conversing with and how you can best communicate with them, and adjusting your way of conveying message to the different situation, is necessary for successful communication.

Keep these pitfalls in your mind and reduce unnecessary stress due to misunderstanding.