How to Become Who You Want to Be. (Part1)

My favorite psychologist, Carl Rogers, and others of the humanistic school of psychology, such as Abraham Maslow and Rollo May, have said that we are not all subject to a fixed set of rules, but that we can reach our full potential through our own will and actions.

In other words, we can do what we want to and become who we want to be, and it is up to us to do it.

Of course, there are things that are beyond our control.

However, how we accept and deal with them can change the rest of our lives.

Today, I would like to write about how to become who you want to be, based on one of Rogers’ core conditions, congruence.

Being congruent means that the self-image (the way you are now) matches with ideal-self (the way you want to be).

Imagine two circles.

There is a circle of the self-image and the circle of the ideal-self. If these two circles overlap, then they are congruent, but I think it is rare that they all overlap.

If you have most of the circles overlapping, you may have confidence in yourself and recognize your own value.

On the other hand, if you feel that your ideal-self is far away from your current image, that is, if only a small part of circles is overlapped, they often feel anxious and feel that they are not worthy.

As a result, they may develop mental issues such as mood disorders and/or depression.

Needless to say, the former condition will make people mentally healthier and feel more pleasant in their life.

So how can we make those two circles overlap in a bigger portion?

1. Know who you are now.

Start by knowing who you are now.

First, match the current image of yourself with your true self by asking yourself, what do you like and dislike, what kind of values do you have, what kind of personality do you have, how are your friendships and family relationships like, etc.

If you don’t really know yourself, there will be also a discrepancy in the person you want to be, so be honest with yourself and know yourself properly.

Then, if possible, write it down.

By writing it down, you will be able to visualize and look at yourself objectively, which will deepen your understanding of yourself.

2. Imagine the person you want to be in a realistic way.

If your standard is too high, the two circles will move further apart.

It should also be noted that it is impossible to become a completely different person.

After accepting your current self, think about the person you can realistically imagine yourself becoming.

3. Imagine two circles in your mind.

Sometimes, imagine the two circles in order to check how close you are to where you want to be.

If you are feeling tired, or if you are suffering from a lack of self-confidence, it may be because those two circles are moving away from each other.

If this is the case, look back at who you are now and who you want to be, and make sure that you are not lying to yourself by hiding the parts of yourself that you don’t like, or that you are not forcing yourself to pursue an ideal.

It is difficult to perfectly match the two circles of who you are and who you want to be.

However, by knowing yourself, you can bring them closer together.

Whenever you feel your mind is tired, look back and see how your two circles are aligned.