5 Tips to Deal with Social Anxiety.

“I wonder what people think about me, my behavior and appearance.”

“If I do anything, I am sure they will think I am weird or a jerk.”

“When I am in a public place, my heart beats like crazy and I feel like I can’t breathe properly.”

“I would rather not do anything in public than be embarrassed.”

Have you ever experienced such thoughts or symptoms?

People or you yourself may tend to think that this is because you have a shy personality, but if these experiences are interfering with your daily life or causing you a significant amount of stress, then you may be experiencing a mental health issue.

If you have been in a situation for more than 6 months where you feel extremely anxious that people around you will think negatively of you in public places where you interact with others, or you avoid such places because of this anxiety, you may have social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety is classified under the category of anxiety disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) and is treated as a mental illness.

In Japan, it is sometimes referred to as “taijin kyofusho,” but it is not the official name of the disorder.

(Note: Please consult a qualified professional for a diagnosis, not on your judgment.)

What I am trying to say here is that if you are suffering from extreme anxiety, do not conclude that it is because you are shy. It is something that is enough to consult with a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.

Some may think that it is not serious enough to consult, but they may be extremely worried about others’ evaluation towards them, they may be unable to act as they wish because of fear, or they may feel constantly on edge.

Here, I would like to introduce five ways to cope with anxiety when interacting with others so that such worries may be alleviated.

1. Interpret nervous feelings as evidence that your heart is preparing.

When you have to go out in public or interact with new people in a situation you are not comfortable with, your heart may pound with anxiety.

When this happens, try to stop interpreting the racing heart as anxiety or fear that something unpleasant is about to happen, and instead think of it as your heart preparing you for the difficult challenge ahead.

It is natural to feel anxious when doing something you are not good at or when you are not sure if you can do it.

Everyone gets nervous without exception.

If you take it as a bad sign, you may get scared and avoid the situation, resulting in regret and self-blame.

On the other hand, if you interpret your nervousness as a natural part of the situation and that this is a challenge for you, you may feel a little more comfortable and not run away from the situation.

2. Do not predict people’s feelings based on your assumptions.

Nobody can read other people’s minds.

Furthermore, it is impossible to predict someone’s feelings toward you and get it right every time.

Not even the great prophet Nostradamus could do it.

However, we imagine things so much that we become more and more preoccupied, and as a result, we end up feeling depressed on our own.

No one knows you better than you do.

Stop making assumptions and expecting that someone will evaluate you negatively.

3. Change your self-talk.

“I would never be able to give a speech in front of an audience.”

“People would hate me if I showed such a bad look on my face.”

“People must think I’m crazy when they see me blushing so easily.”

When we are anxious, we think only negative things about everything.

And we mumble it over and over in our minds or say it out loud, making ourselves into that kind of person without even knowing it.

This is called negative self-talk.

As the saying “We are what we think” suggests, these are detrimental ways of thinking.

When you talk badly about yourself, your brain perceives it as such and tries to take the actions associated with that negative message, such as excessive tension causing failure, taking away your self-confidence, and making you avoid doing things that you would not have done otherwise.

In other words, you make yourself that way.

So stop doing it.

Let’s just make your own words positive, even if you’re lying or not confident.

Why should you blame yourself even when nobody is listening?

Using pleasant words and positive self-talk will change your feelings.

Your behavior will change too.

Your brain is rewired with the new positive messages, and switches your mindset from “I can’t” to “I can.”

I am not suggesting that you change it to the extreme though.

Rather, negative self-talk is extreme.

Change it to something that you can believe.

For example, you may change from “I would never be able to give a speech in front of an audience” to “It’s difficult to give a speech in front of people, and I might be too nervous to do it well. But it’s also a chance for everyone to hear what I have to say. If I practice properly, I’ll be fine.”

Practice changing your negative self-talk into something positive.

4. Use mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

Mindfulness is the act of turning your mind to the present moment and accepting what is happening right now as it is.

Anxious feelings are generated by past experiences and negative expectations of future events.

Focusing on what is happening now reduces the time and stress of pondering anxious thoughts.

For more information, see “Is Mindfulness Beneficial?” which contains examples of activities for mindfulness.

In addition to this, relaxing our minds is another way to reduce anxiety.

When we are anxious, our body is tense due to nervousness.

Because mind and body are connected, you can relax your body which makes your mind relax as well.

For one, breathe deeply in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.

Another one, relax your muscles by relaxing each part of your body (e.g. shoulder, hand, etc.) at once after putting tension in them on purpose.

Or you can just stretch your whole body.

And among others.

If you can relax your body, you will naturally feel more at ease.

You can check “5 Relaxing Techniques to Relieve Anxiety” for more details.

5. Experiment on the worst-case scenario.

As I mentioned earlier, humans are creatures of imagination.

And the more anxious we are, the more we imagine negative situations.

It is very difficult not to imagine, isn’t it?

I agree.

Now, try to imagine the worst situation for you.

For example, let’s say your friend invites you to a dinner party where you don’t know many people, and you can’t refuse the invitation.

What would happen?

You bravely try to talk to someone you’ve never met before, but you are ignored, ridiculed and laughed at by the people around you, and even your own friends who are embarrassed pretend to be strangers with you.

“This is not the worst thing that could happen to you, there are worse things! ” You might say.

I’ll leave that to you.

Anyway, let’s say you think of the worst situation.

Put that situation in the back of your mind and go to a dinner party.

And then try to see if it really happens.

The worst-case scenario doesn’t happen as often as you think it does.

So I want you to experiment and prove to yourself that it doesn’t happen.

Doing so will alleviate some of your negative assumption from the next time.

Of course, it is possible that you could get hurt in this way, which I do not want you to do.

So, if you are not confident enough to try it, please seek the help of a friend, family member, confidant, or counselor first.

Ask them to listen to the worst-case scenario for you and, if possible, have them come along and watch you experiment with it.

Or practice and imagine it.

Imagine it over and over again and try to find a situation other than the worst case scenario.

However, don’t make it too hard on yourself; go at your own pace in an environment where you feel comfortable and not overwhelmed.

Lastly, if you are unable or unwilling to do things well on your own, or if you are still having a hard time, you should consult a counselor or psychologist.

Psychological counseling works with you to find the cause of your anxiety and support you in reducing it, based on cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure therapy and/or other forms of therapy.

Social anxiety can be cured.

If you are having a hard time every day because of your fear of interacting with others, talk to us.

Or you may want to try some coping strategies I introduced here.