Thinking Patterns You Better Stop. ~Cognitive Distortions~

We all have our own ways of thinking.

Of course, we all have our own ideas, and it is important to have them as our own opinions.

However, some of them can lead to psychological problems such as low self-esteem, lack of motivation, depression, anxiety, and so on, thus they are called cognitive distortions.

And since they are “habitual,” they have become so natural that it is difficult to become aware of them unless you are trying to be conscious of them.

Therefore, before (or even after) your mind becomes distressed, observe and identify what kind of thinking pattern you have.

◎ All-or-nothing thinking

An extreme thinking pattern that judges things in terms of all or nothing, black or white, etc.

They try to explain things with only two extreme options and often use limiting words such as “always” or “never”.

For example, let’s say you ask someone out on a date, but he/she turns you down.

Then you think, “I’ll never be able to date anyone.” “I’m a useless person with zero attraction.” Or you may say to the person who turned you down, “He/She’s always been a jerk.” “He/She’s a terrible guy who always plays with men/women. He/She’ll never be happy that way.”

Most things are not that simple as they cannot fell into two options of extremes, but many things happens due to various factors and reasons.

It is important to look at ourselves and things from different angles, not assuming that I am a bad person because I am not kind, but that I may have some shortcomings, but I have helped people in need and have many other good qualities.

◎ Magnification/Minimization

Magnification is to exaggerate the importance of events that are negative for you in a case of cognitive distortion.

On the other hand, minimization is the idea that you have accomplished something great, but you don’t consider it important and treat it as if it were no big deal.

For example, you gave a speech in front of an audience, and you had a few places where your speech was slurred.

However, the overall content of the speech was very good, and the people who were listening praised it as being great.

A person with the habit of magnification and minimization would focus on the parts of the speech that were not well delivered, considering it a lifetime of embarrassment. And, he would interpret that people were praising him for mere encouragement.

With this thinking, you would be constantly stressed out, and that could lead you to feel exhausted.

Stop obsessing over one thing only.

If you make a mistake, accept it as a mistake, and honestly praise yourself for the good things you did.

◎ Personalization

This way of thinking is to believe that all problems that occur around you are your own fault.

For example, your boss is in a bad mood because you work unproductively, your friend was dumped by the guy she likes because you could not act as go-between well, or other things that are out of your control.

Don’t assume that everything is your responsibility.

We do not have the power to understand and control every situation.

Blaming ourselves brings unnecessary burden and pressure to our mind.

◎ Jumping to conclusions

A way of thinking in which one draws conclusions from one’s own assumptions based on only a little information.

This conclusion is often wrong, and it can cause you to feel bad or hurt the other person.

For example, let’s say your partner was walking happily alone with a person you were not familiar with.

You saw your partner enjoying himself/herself so much that you decided that they were having an affair.

You got hurt and anything that your partner said to you about just being with friends sounded like an excuse, and you ended the relationship.

This may sound a little exaggerated, but it is a possible story.

You are the one who lose out by making assumptions with little information.

Don’t cause yourself unnecessary stress with wrong assumptions.

◎ Emotional Reasoning

A way of thinking that assumes that something bad is happening in reality or will happen in the future because one has a certain feeling, thinking like “a woman’s intuition is right,” or “something bad is going to happen because my feelings are disturbed.”

By believing in the emotional buzzing, you try to find something that can prove the buzzing (even if it has nothing to do with the actual situation) and assume that your prediction is correct.

This makes you sensitive to the negative aspects of things, causing you to be stressed out and anxious all the time.

Sometimes it is necessary to make decisions based on your feelings, but you better not act immediately because your feelings tell you to, nor rely too much on your feelings to predict things without any evidence.

◎ Labeling

Do you put fixed labels on yourself, such as “I am a slow learner,” “I am inefficient,” “I am shy,” etc.?

Of course, it is important to understand your personality.

However, if you think that you cannot do anything because of your personality, you are destroying your own potential.

If you assume that you cannot do something because of your personality, you would avoid trying what you can do, thinking that you are incapable of doing it. And, that makes you dislike your own personality even more.

We all have both weaknesses and strengths.

We definitely have both.

Don’t just focus on the aspects of your personality that you don’t like, but also label the things you can do and the good quality of yourself.

◎ “Should” thinking

A way of thinking that sets rules and imposes them on those around you and on yourself by using “should.”

For example, you may say “People should always be kind,” “I should be loved by everyone,” “Children should absolutely listen to their parents,” etc.

Of course, this is not always a bad thing, and it may be necessary at times to have the idea that this is the way it should be.

However, this way of thinking is inflexible, and when something happens that goes against the rules you think it should be, you may react emotionally. Then, you may become stressed out when things don’t go your way, and your attitude toward those around you may become self-centered.

In other words, you take it out on others.

Rather than being stuck on only one option by using “should,” that can limit yourself. You feel better being flexible and saying like, “There are many other ways of thinking, and it may be better to do my way, but it is worth trying another way that people are saying.”

◎ Mind reading

A pattern of thinking that makes assumptions about people’s minds based on one’s own perceptions.

For example, “My boss is too strict with me. It’s because I’m ugly,” “She stares at me a lot. She must be looking down on me because I am not smart enough,” or so forth. Like those, this cognitive distortion is a way of thinking that judges people’s feelings based on one’s own selfish assumptions without any particular evidence.

Making judgments on your own is rude to the person you are “reading,” and it is a negative way of thinking that can cause you a lot of pain.

Don’t judge based on your own point of view only.

Do any of these thinking patterns apply to you?

When you are going through a difficult time or having a hard time, look back at how you are thinking.

By reviewing your thinking, you may be able to feel relieved.