7 Ways to Build Resilience

We all face difficult situations in our lives, and we all have times that we experience pressure and stress.

It happens to all of us and it is inevitable.

Bad stress can damage our minds, resulting in depression, anxiety, and other mental problems for certain people.

This “certain people” is the key point of what I want to write here.

Some people may have similar experiences in similar situations, but not all of them develop mental problems; some are driven by the challenges, while others fall to the point of depression and are unable to move on.

What is the difference between the two?

It is a level of resilience.

Definition of resilience include how you use your skills to cope with stressful situations and how flexibly you can adapt to those situations.

Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician in Philadelphia, uses the 7 C’s to describe the key to developing resilience in children and the role of parents.

Although this is only for children, when I read this, I felt that it is something that adults need to do and can practice as well.

It is not easy to develop resilience perfectly, given various factors such as the parenting style, and the fact that the child missed the opportunity to grow up as a child due to harsh environment.

It is normal, and you better not blame yourself for being mentally weak and inadequate.

It is possible to build resilience little by little, even now.

Let’s look at what Dr. Kenneth calls the 7 C’s.

1. Competence

The ability to cope with one’s situation effectively.

This ability is nurtured through repeated experiences of trusting one’s own judgment and taking responsibility for the consequences of one’s actions.

The role of parents is to give their children opportunities to learn new skills.

If you feel sorry for your child because he or she will fail, and you stop them from doing what they are trying to do, you are taking away the opportunity for them to learn from their mistakes and recover themselves, and this ‘competence’ will not be nurtured.

If you think you are not competent enough, try something new.

If the fear of failure is holding you back, look for something that will minimize the damage to your life and yourself even if you fail.

As is often said, failure is not a bad thing.

By experiencing failure, you will have more opportunities to learn and your abilities will be enhanced without even knowing it.

2. Confidence

As with ’Competence,’ confidence grows through repeated experience in making responsible judgments.

As your confidence grows, you will be able to trust your own judgment more, and you will be able to handle difficult situations with confidence.

Because you don’t feel confident, are you unable to say anything to others, or are you feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of the situation where you have to perform well?

In order to build self-confidence, adults often praise children by saying, “You did a good job drawing that picture, you are a genius!”

Like this, they may praise the child for what he or she has done as a whole. 

However, this kind of compliment is ambiguous and does not help the child recognize his or her own individual strengths, which can lead to self-confidence.

If you tell them specifically what they did well and how they did it, they will understand what they were able to do and this will lead to the development of their own confidence.

As an adult, you yourself should give them praise.

Even if you have tried something and failed, don’t focus only on the failure, but think specifically about what you were able to gain from the process, such as what you were able to discover through the process, or what skills you were able to develop.

Then, the next time you do something, challenge yourself to do things at a level that may be a little more difficult than the previous one, but you think you can do it.

When you accomplish something like that, your confidence will grow, you will have more things that you can do, and your adaptability will improve.

3. Connection

Receiving unconditional love fosters emotional connection and a sense of emotional security.

This emotional connection is an important element that makes people feel, “it is okay to trust others, “they love me,” and “I am worthy.“

Feeling these things allows you to speak honestly with others about what you want to say and how you feel.

Communicating your honest feeling is one way to manage stress in difficult situations.

Suppressing your feelings because you don’t want the other person to hate you or be angry with you will cause you pain and more difficult situations later on.

In order to develop a sense of emotional security that you feel it is okay to assert yourself, it is necessary to build deep relationships with others.

To do this, it is important for you to treat others seriously and show your heart openly to them.

Of course, this is the difficult part of human relationships because you cannot be with everyone, but try to increase your opportunities to interact with others and to meet people you feel comfortable with.

4. Character

Character here refers to a personality that is capable of judging whether things are good or bad, establishing one’s own values, and having a considerate attitude toward others.

Having your own values as a basis for judging behavior allows you to see things calmly even in stressful situations.

Most stress comes from relationships.

And it can be for better or worse depending on your actions.

You can develop this character by considering how your actions will make the other person feel and whether you will hurt them or yourself.

Be careful not to be driven by immediate gains or self-centered desires.

5. Contribution

Having a goal in our daily lives is a source of vitality.

Human beings are creatures who want to understand the meaning of things, and if we cannot find out what we are living for or what we are living toward, we can gradually become emotionally difficult.

This contribution is to take action within society to improve the situation and environment in which we live.

Society does not have to be a great deal.

You may do what you can do in small societies such as within your family and among friends.

The experience will make you feel useful, that you are making a contribution, and will make you feel responsible for your actions.

Having a purpose makes us stronger and less stressed.

6. Coping

As it stands, ‘Coping’ means having the skills to manage stress effectively.

First of all, it is important to be able to distinguish between a crisis and a stressful situation in which you are having problems but seem to be able to handle it.

If you view both as the same thing, you may constantly be in a situation that is fueled by anxiety, and stress can take you down.

Having a wide range of stress coping strategies, not just one, will strengthen your resilience.

Instead of reacting emotionally to a problem (which is natural though…), focus on how you can solve it, or use healthy techniques to relieve stress, such as exercising, sleeping as much as you can, listening to your favorite music, singing, etc.

7. Control

We experience a great deal of stress when we do not feel in control of what we do and what we want to do.

For example, you may be constantly pressed for time, under pressure, or in a situation where you feel you have no control.

When such stressful situations persist, we become pessimistic and passive and our resilience weakens as we throw in the towel and say it doesn’t matter what I do anyway.

To regain a sense of control when this happens, it is necessary to create or notice experiences to make you feel success.

For example, if you are too busy to do what you want to do, manage to take a break.

(If you can’t do that, there is a problem somewhere, so review it to get it.)

Do what you want to do in your free time, refresh your mind, and say, “I was able to do what I wanted to do and feel good about it!” Create the experience of “I did it!”

Also, think about what you have accomplished in the past and what you have been able to do in your day-to-day life.

Remember the things you have accomplished in the past and the things you have done in your daily life can help you feel a sense of control no matter how small.

These are the 7 C’s of resilience.

It is not easy to build all the C’s at once, but by reassessing and improving them one by one, I believe we can learn to adapt to stressful situations and bounce back from them with a strong resilience.